Hansurdity

2009-02-19T21:48:00.003-07:00

Bill 7
Post-Secondary Learning Amendment Act, 2008
October 21, 2008, afternoon session

Mr. Chase: I have a degree of regret about the very slow progress associated with the urban campus. This is an area where myself and Roman Cooney could be dressed as cheerleaders with pompoms promoting the idea of that urban campus.

Ms Pastoor: Too visual. Too visual.

Mr. Chase: I know. I won't go further than that. [interjection] No, no. There are male cheerleaders, too. You know, we wear macho outfits, and our pompoms are very heavy and require a great effort.

Back in session!

2009-02-13T17:10:00.005-07:00

The good folks at the Capital Notebook have scooped me (I'd been saving this one up all day! ALL DAY!), but it's too good not to keep sharing.

Oil Sands Development Strategy
February 12, 2009, afternoon session

Mr. Stelmach: Mr. Speaker, again I just saw a complete disconnect from reality. There are 3 and a half million people in the province of Alberta. He wants Albertans – Albertans – to shoulder all of the blame, whatever it is, for greenhouse gas emissions and not look to the fact that 75 per cent of the emissions coming out of the States are coming from coal-fired generation. He wants us to pay for it? I don't think so. Let's get serious about this ongoing problem. The other thing – sorry, Mr. Speaker, to get going on this. However, let's invest in technology. Taking money out of the province, sending it to other countries in a kind of a wealth transfer – oh, by the way, giving the exchange . . . [interjection] Just selling the credits – remember, it's got to go through some authority – not able to even set the level of those credits. We're going to give it to the same bandits that put us into this economic recession? That's what he wants.

Branching out

2009-01-31T12:57:00.005-07:00

I'd always planned for this blog to include Hansurdities from other parliaments, whether they be Canadian or whether they come from further afield. If, in trawling the Hansards for your own region, you encounter something bloggable, feel free to send it in to hansurdity@gmail.you.know.the.rest.

A few nights ago a friend contributed this ancient gem from the U.K. Parliament.

Postage Stamp Adhesive
Lords Sitting, 12 July 1973

Lord Clifford of Chudleigh:

My Lords, I beg leave to ask the Question which stands in my name on the Order Paper.

The Question was as follows:

To ask Her Majesty's Government whether, in view of the inconvenience and possible danger to health of licking stamps, they will encourage the Post Office to introduce some form of self-sticking stamps.

Lord Denham:

My Lords, this is a matter for the Post Office, but I am told that it has on several occasions sought medical opinion on this point and has consistently been advised that the practice of licking stamps entails little or no risk to health.

Lord Clifford of Chudleigh:

My Lords, while thanking the noble Lord for that reply, may I ask him whether he is aware that there is in existence a process whereby minute globules of plastic containing sticking stuff are put on the back of stamps, and if you press it between finger and thumb it automatically sticks? Would that not be more convenient, quite apart from the health hazard? No matter what the noble Lord has been informed, may I ask him whether it is not a fact that many of the virus and bacteriological diseases can be spread in this way, particularly hepatitis A and B—B being the Australian one and therefore the most obnoxious?

Lord Denham:

My Lords, it is quite possible to use a sponge instead of licking stamps; indeed, every post office provides one for the use of its customers. With regard to the convenience of the stamps. I understand that self-adhesive ones would cause a great deal more inconvenience. They would be very much more bulky to store and it would be rather more difficult to put a number of stamps on letters, because it would be necessary to peel off the adhesive backing. I understand that no major postal administration uses self-adhesive stamps. There have been such stamps issued in Tonga and Bhutan, but I understand that in both cases they were sold as philatelic curiosities rather than as a means of prepaying postage.

2009-01-25T12:56:00.004-07:00

Point of Order: Allegations Against A Member
October 29, 2008, afternoon session

The Speaker: If this hurts the feelings of other members, then I want other members to know that when a member gets up and says that a minister doesn't care, if you take the same principle of application, then I'd have to rule that kind of a statement out because some minister would come to me and say their feelings are hurt, and they're sensitive. Or: the minister should resign. Well, holy mackerel. Do you think that minister doesn't feel sensitive about that and go home at night and kick the door in? Would I have to then lead to ousting the member who raised it in the House? Or: the minister is out of touch. I mean, if you're going to talk sensitivity in here, okay. Fair game. You know, I'm a teddy bear and a cuddle of love, but we can have a lot of sensitivity. Let's understand that there sometimes . . . [interjection] Yeah. Thank you very much. You sit down.

There are always going to be times in here, and we also all know what depending on the day of the week and whatever circumstances happen and whatever the issue is that the person is raising the question on or whatever the issue is that the person is responding to the question on, there may be motivations in there that none of us are appreciative of. Human beings are human beings. It doesn't hurt to have a little emotion sometimes, too, as long as you don't hurt anybody with respect to that emotion.

2009-01-22T17:54:00.004-07:00

Bill 18
Film and Video Classification Act
October 28, 2008, afternoon session

Ms Blakeman: What we have happening is that the tickets are being advertised at one rate and sold, many of them online, of course, which people find very useful, and we would want to keep that in place. What's happening is that we have large numbers of single tickets bought up electronically, so they're not available for the general public. When they go on the site, it says, "We're sold out," but then they get a helpful notice that sends them on to another affiliated group who has, in fact, single tickets for sale, but there is a markup on them. We started to track this through. It started to turn up with rock bands originally, and for those of you that are Metallica fans, this will mean something. If you're not, let me see if I can come up with another example that we had. [some applause] Oh, we've got Metallica fans. Okay. Good.

2009-01-16T11:04:00.003-07:00

Introduction of Guests
November 17, 2008, afternoon session

Mr. Ouellette: Mr. Speaker, it gives me great pleasure to rise and introduce to you and through you to all members of this Assembly a gentleman that's no stranger to a lot of people in this Assembly. Marcel Van Hecke is up in the members' gallery. We had a meeting just before lunch. He had a few concerns about accessing property off our highways as he owns some property. Of course, we had to go along with safety as our biggest issue, and I think we've clarified all that. It's great to have Marcel here today, and I'd like him to receive the warm welcome of the Assembly.

The Speaker: In other words, you told him no.

2009-01-08T23:06:00.003-07:00

Health System Restructuring
October 28, 2008, afternoon session

Mr. MacDonald: The hon. President of the Treasury Board is a fiscal hawk with a broken right wing. My first question is to the hon. President of the Treasury Board. When did the minister of health ask the President of the Treasury Board for additional money? The government is said to be running a deficit in this current fiscal year of $800 million in the department of health.

Mr. Snelgrove: Sorry. It's hard getting up on one wing, Mr. Speaker, but I'll do my best. I find it's far better flying with a broken right wing than in a little tight circle with only a left wing.

2009-01-05T21:58:00.006-07:00

Bill 33
Agriculture Financial Services Amendment Act, 2008
October 21, 2008, evening session

Dr. Taft: I've often spoken to beef producers around this province. In fact, my in-laws still raise cattle. If this session hadn't opened on that second Tuesday in October, I would have been out helping with dehorning and castrating and branding and otherwise cattle.

Ms Pastoor: Oh, prairie oysters. Yummy.

Dr. Taft: Now, the Member for Lethbridge-East is licking her chops at the idea of a good feed of prairie oysters. I have to tell you that after seeing bucketfuls of them, I have no appetite at all for that sort of thing. Regardless, I'm losing my track about my point here.

2008-12-19T22:51:00.004-07:00

International Drivers' Licenses
November 17, 2008, afternoon session

Ms Blakeman: Thank you very much, Mr. Speaker. Again to the same minister: given that the minister has now had time to check on what new countries have signed agreements with the province since I first raised this issue, can the minister share with the House what those countries are, the new countries that have signed on?

Mr. Ouellette: Mr. Speaker, we have nine different countries that have signed on right now. I think we have France, that just signed off in the last four to six weeks or four to six months maybe, something like that. It's one of those two. I know there's a big spread there. There are nine different ones that have signed off. France has been the last one, I think, which has been less than six months ago.

2008-12-12T17:25:00.002-07:00

Mines and Minerals (New Royalty Framework) Amendment Act, 2008
November 20, 2008, afternoon session

Mr. Knight: I, too, agree with the Leader of the Opposition's comments that Alberta truly has been blessed. As an Albertan citizen I have been blessed as a result of our sort of landing on this land that dinosaurs or whatever lay down and died on eons ago, that has blessed us with these hydrocarbons, which in this day and age, at my time being alive, have enabled me to go, when I went to school, to some of the finest public education schools and things of that nature that other jurisdictions simply have not had the ability to do. That is all due to our blessing of having landed on this place at this time in the galaxy, I guess.

2008-12-09T21:44:00.004-07:00

Climate Change and Emissions Management Amendment Act, 2008
October 16, 2008, afternoon session

Mr. MacDonald: Speaking of our oil and our export of oil, we had a former minister here – I believe he was at one point Minister of Environment – Mr. Gary Mar, who is down in Washington.

Mr. Mason: He's doing a bang-up job for us, too.

Mr. MacDonald: Well, I would take exception to that. If he was doing a good job, he would have been able to flag that legislation that was passed that took into consideration the amount of CO₂ emissions occurring in Alberta. [...]

Mr. Mason: I would like the irony in my voice to be noted in Hansard.

Mr. MacDonald: Yes. The hon. member would like the irony in his voice to be noted in Hansard, and I would certainly hope that it is noted. I don't know how to do that, but I hope it's done because I don't think Mr. Mar has been doing the job that we're paying him to do, and he's getting a handsome salary.

2008-12-05T17:20:00.004-07:00

Calgary Urban Infrastructure Planning
October 20, 2008, evening session

Mr. Hehr: I have alluded to this earlier: Calgary is sort of a model of a unicity. It reminds me almost of, as I was discussing with the leader of the third party, the beginning of the episodes of Welcome Back, Kotter when I grew up. It always said: Brooklyn, fourth largest city in America. I'm assuming that since I've been in New York now and I no longer saw that sign when I went into Brooklyn, it is, too, under a unicity model. It was the leader of the third party that made me aware of that. I'm sure that some of the planning mechanisms, maybe, in New York are similar to Calgary. However, I digress simply because I liked Welcome Back, Kotter so much, sir, but now that I have that there, I can move on.

2008-12-04T06:43:00.003-07:00

Appropriation (Supplementary Supply) Act, 2008
December 1, 2008, evening session

Mr. Mason: Thanks very much, Mr. Speaker. I’m happy to stand and speak to second reading of Bill 51.

An Hon. Member: Put it in a poem.

Mr. Mason: Yeah. Before I leave this place, you know, Mr. Speaker, I’ll rap something but not in the meantime. It’s a good way to embarrass your son in front of his friends.

2008-12-03T21:54:00.004-07:00

Twelve Days of Christmas Redux
November 27, 2008, afternoon session

Mr. Mason: Thank you very much, Mr. Speaker. Due to time constraints I'm afraid I'm going to have drop a few verses from my member's statement, but I hope that members will get the gist.

On the first day of Christmas
the health minister gave to me
a consultant from New Jersey.

On the second day of Christmas
the health minister gave to me
two Tory bagmen
and a consultant from New Jersey.

On the third day of Christmas
the health minister gave to me
three hospitals closing, two Tory bagmen,
and a consultant from New Jersey.

On the fifth day of Christmas
the health minister gave to me
five golden handshakes, four doctors fired,
three hospitals closing, two Tory bagmen,
and a consultant from New Jersey.

On the seventh day of Christmas
the health minister gave to me
seven swans a-walking, six empty wards,
five golden handshakes, four doctors fired,
three hospitals closing, two Tory bagmen,
and a consultant from New Jersey.

On the ninth day of Christmas
the health minister gave to me
nine health boards fired, eight used syringes,
seven swans a-walking, six empty wards,
five golden handshakes, four doctors fired,
three hospitals closing, two Tory bagmen,
and a consultant from New Jersey.

On the 12th day of Christmas
the health minister gave to me
12 lists a-waiting, 11 memos censored,
10 private clinics, nine health boards fired,
eight used syringes, seven swans a-walking,
six empty wards, five golden handshakes,
four doctors fired, three hospitals closing,
two Tory bagmen,
and a consultant from New Jersey.

The Speaker: The hon. member might consider sticking with his day job.

Edited to add: So help me, there's audio. But you don't want to listen to it. You really, really don't.